If you know me, you know well that I love babies. I love anyone's baby, they are always so perfect and sweet and little. Brand new from Heaven. I especially love my own babies. I cherish the time they are newborns and adore the stages they go through in the first year.
There is a time when "it" happens with each one of my girls. I remember it clearly with Alaina, a little bit with Braelyn and now, distinctly with Caylee. "It" happens about the time they are reaching toddler-hood, 15-18 months. And every time "it" happens, my heart breaks and I am again reminded of the whole meaning of life and the cycle it brings with it.
Alaina was 17 months old. She was playing in the living room and I was sitting on the floor against the couch with a child development book on my lap reading some homework for class. She was standing there, wearing a yellow polo shirt and khaki pants with a little pony tail in her hair, her eyes were shining and she had a new look to her... all of a sudden. Then it hit me like a slap in the face. I wiped a tear and wondered if "it" could really happen like that.
Braelyn was always a rough baby. Really rough. When this moment came to me with her it was a sign of relief and hope for a new day. I dont remember details like with Alaina or Caylee but I remember feeling a burden lifted, and a teeny bit of sadness.
Caylee was 16 months old. I was sitting in relief society while the teacher was giving a lesson on the priesthood. Caylee was wearing her little green polka dot dress that was Alaina's first Easter dress. She was holding some crackers she conned out of someone who cant resist a cute face, she is such a little beggar. She looked over at me with that look...and "it" hit me again for the third time. So distinct so real and so true. Again I knew immediately what "it" meant and "it" changes everything.
I realized "it" at these precise moments,
that my baby was no longer a baby.
And it tears my heart to pieces every time.
The night of "it" happening with Caylee I silently went into her room and took some pictures of my new toddler.
She was sleeping peacefully.
I put the camera down and picked up my new toddler from her crib. She stretched and arched her little back, relaxed and molded down into my lap, again falling into dreamland. I held her tight. I rocked her and cuddled her. My baby was gone. Now a memory in pictures to show and stories to tell. I cried little tears and hugged her close to my body, memorizing her smell, her little face, and how her toddler body fit so perfectly in my lap, with her head laying on my chest, cradled in my arms. I remembered holding her so, rocking her to sleep just a year ago. She fit perfectly in my lap, with her head on my chest, cradled in my arms. It was then that the lump in my throat went away and the tears stopped, a calm warmth filled by soul and I felt a peaceful feeling, a small whispering that reminded me: she is mine forever. The power of the temple made that possible. I knew right then and will never forget, that each of my babies, no matter how big they are or how much they grow up, will always fit perfectly in my lap,
with their head on my chest, cradled in my arms.
Its what being a mother means. And it never changes.
There is a time when "it" happens with each one of my girls. I remember it clearly with Alaina, a little bit with Braelyn and now, distinctly with Caylee. "It" happens about the time they are reaching toddler-hood, 15-18 months. And every time "it" happens, my heart breaks and I am again reminded of the whole meaning of life and the cycle it brings with it.
Alaina was 17 months old. She was playing in the living room and I was sitting on the floor against the couch with a child development book on my lap reading some homework for class. She was standing there, wearing a yellow polo shirt and khaki pants with a little pony tail in her hair, her eyes were shining and she had a new look to her... all of a sudden. Then it hit me like a slap in the face. I wiped a tear and wondered if "it" could really happen like that.
Braelyn was always a rough baby. Really rough. When this moment came to me with her it was a sign of relief and hope for a new day. I dont remember details like with Alaina or Caylee but I remember feeling a burden lifted, and a teeny bit of sadness.
Caylee was 16 months old. I was sitting in relief society while the teacher was giving a lesson on the priesthood. Caylee was wearing her little green polka dot dress that was Alaina's first Easter dress. She was holding some crackers she conned out of someone who cant resist a cute face, she is such a little beggar. She looked over at me with that look...and "it" hit me again for the third time. So distinct so real and so true. Again I knew immediately what "it" meant and "it" changes everything.
I realized "it" at these precise moments,
that my baby was no longer a baby.
And it tears my heart to pieces every time.
The night of "it" happening with Caylee I silently went into her room and took some pictures of my new toddler.
She was sleeping peacefully.
I put the camera down and picked up my new toddler from her crib. She stretched and arched her little back, relaxed and molded down into my lap, again falling into dreamland. I held her tight. I rocked her and cuddled her. My baby was gone. Now a memory in pictures to show and stories to tell. I cried little tears and hugged her close to my body, memorizing her smell, her little face, and how her toddler body fit so perfectly in my lap, with her head laying on my chest, cradled in my arms. I remembered holding her so, rocking her to sleep just a year ago. She fit perfectly in my lap, with her head on my chest, cradled in my arms. It was then that the lump in my throat went away and the tears stopped, a calm warmth filled by soul and I felt a peaceful feeling, a small whispering that reminded me: she is mine forever. The power of the temple made that possible. I knew right then and will never forget, that each of my babies, no matter how big they are or how much they grow up, will always fit perfectly in my lap,with their head on my chest, cradled in my arms.
Its what being a mother means. And it never changes.
3 comments:
Aw, you made me cry! I love this. It is so sad when our babies grow up. Everytime I look at Kaylin going off to the bus I am reminded about how not long ago she was a little baby. It doesn't seem like it goes by so fast, but it does! So does the "it" make you want to have more? :)
Way to make me cry! ;p Lucy isn't to that stage quite yet, but I so remember it with Jenna. In fact, this has touched me so much, I think I'll go blog about it...
so true. your kids are so cute.
Post a Comment